I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
In America we eat man semen.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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