guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Someone came in the potted fern
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
