i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he shaved USA in his pubs
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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