You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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