i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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