If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
