I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.