woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in