Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.