Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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