I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
