u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
