I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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