I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
