I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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