Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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