If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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