Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
