we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
