Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
