I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
