I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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