Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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