I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
