So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
