So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
