You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
