he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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