Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
