I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize