This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
