your parents love me but you hate me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
