She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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