She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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