Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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