Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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