Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
