I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you traded sex for a burrito?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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