Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your dad touched me again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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