Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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