He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
