i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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