You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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