pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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