I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
