Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
