I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
