he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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