Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
vagina is talking i cant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
