a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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