It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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