Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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