My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
