2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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