Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
