it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
time to smoke my breakfast
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
