I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
