Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
