i would punch a child for taco bell
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
