So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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