My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
