I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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