everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
