Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
